| Author | Message | ||
     No_rice |
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb... A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..." "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the! lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy! A PRAYER... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practicing to be men. ! Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A: To stop the snoring before it starts. Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe. Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals" Send this to five bright, funny women and any enlightened men you know and make their day! And send this to five bright men w! ho have enough sense of humor to take it! i got it in an email and figured the women on here would love it, lol | ||
| Oldog |
LOL  | ||
| Fiery_xb |
 Thanks! | ||
| Gowindward |
Pretty Funny | ||
| U4euh |
Had to laugh, thanks. Now my wife won't hush!! | ||
| Swampy |
I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said she wanted something in the driveway that would go from 0 to 300 in 3 seconds I got her a scale | ||
| Oldog |
Ouch!: you gonna be on the couch for a while! she was tellin ya she wanted a turbo busa! | ||
| Swampy |
30 years of marriage......  10 20 30 sugar and spice and everything nice...or so I thought! I must say, I have witnessed an incredible change for the better since the surgery. A night and day type change. Very good for me! | ||
| Oldog |
Swampy said: I have witnessed an incredible change for the better since the surgery LOL I refuse to touch that! Glad that you are not on the couch, she still wants the Busa ...  Ride safe, and thanks for a chuckle.. | ||
| Leftcoastal |
Oldog refuses - I'll bite: ~Ya got a brain transplant? ~spousendectomy? ~new tatas? Ya gotta 'splain us ignerrent fux or we get rong ideers. | ||
| Tork |
A buddy commented that his ex-wife had a body like Venus. A large round mass with swirling gasses all around it. | ||
| Oldog |
Tork He must like the couch.. Lefty, If we'er gonna breach manners, I was thinking castration for a second that is what got the first chuckle, your list followed, If his spouse had the stomach rubberbanded, then it was a back handed compliment. that I was going to leave alone. Swampy she still wants a turbo busa nudge, nudge .. (Message edited by oldog on January 23, 2006) | ||
| Swampy |
I don't even want a Turbo Busa! My dearly beloved could certainly care less about a Turbo Busa, all she wants is something with a Barcolounger in the back! I wish I had pictures! If I had a Turbo Busa in the barn, the Big Kid would certainly find a quick way to ruin it. And I, well I would just be afraid, very afraid. | ||
| Oldog |
Swampy said all she wants is something with a Barcolounger in the back! I wish I had pictures! touring bike? ... I wish I had pictures ???? I had a brief visual of the Clampets truck with the rocking chair in the back - or a new Caddie whew those have barko lounger seats, BTW if you did not get the couch for the scale crack, and she stayed with you for 30 years 1. CONGRATS! 2. You have a "WINNER!" 3. }thanks for the chuckles your spouse must be special, my X would not have spoken to me for weeks, [at the end I made cracks like that to get P&Q] | ||
| Cochise |
My wife and I had a fight about her cooking and she said, "If you say my cooking stinks one more time you're not going to see me all weekend!" Sure enough, by Sunday night, my left eye quit swelling and I could see her again. |
