| Author | Message | ||
     Mountainrider |
10 things in golf that sound dirty -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Dam, I missed the hole again. __________________ | ||
| Oldog |
11. golf is a game of inches | ||
| Kdan |
A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and I feel terrible about it. "When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder. "Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards. "Is that when you swore?" "No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away." "Is that when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again. "Well, no," says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running an eagle came down out of the sky and grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!" "Is THAT when you swore?" "No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball." "Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother becoming impatient. "No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green and stopped about six inches from the hole." The two nuns were silent for a moment. Then Mother Superior sighed and asked, "You missed the fu**ing putt, didn't you?" | ||
| Buellin_ri |
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| Mountainrider |
I will second that. | ||
| Rek |
A priest, a rabbi and a baptist minister all meet at the local country club for a round of golf one day. As the game progresses the rabbi and priest notice a disturbing trend. Every time the baptist minister misses a shot he flings his club at the caddy and shouts, "F**CK! I missed." This goes on for all 18 holes and by the end of the game both the priest and rabbi are visibly shaken by the minister's inappropriate behavior in public. Finally they're finished and ready to head for the clubhouse and a cool, relaxing beverage and the minister suggests they pause and give thanks to the Almighty for a wonderful day and invigorating round of golf among friends. And as men of God they of course agree. The minister gets down on his knees right there in the parking lot, raises his eyes toward heaven, and with outstretched arms begins to pray in a very loud voice. "Dear Lord," he begins. "Thank you for this wonderful day among friends." The minister's prayer goes on along this vein for several long minutes and the rabbi and priest are beginning to wonder if they shouldn't maybe call ahead and move some of their appointments when, finally the minister reaches what are unmistakably his closing remarks. "Lord," he says. "Thank you again for this wonderful day. And may I add that if I have done anything during this day to offend you may a bolt of lightening come down from the heavens adn strike me dead!" Well the priest and rabbi heard that last little verse adn very quickly moved well away from the minister. The skies boiled black as thunderheads began to rapidly build and the wind picked up. All of a sudden a bolt of lightening streaks out of the ski and lays the priest and rabbi, along with their caddies, out flat on the deck in a smoking pile of cinders. The clouds magically clear away, the winds dies down and a voice from heaven booms down, "F*CK, I MISSED." |
