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Oldog
| | Posted on Friday, December 09, 2005 - 11:36 pm: | 
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Deffinition:
Foreplay in ____________________[ you fill in the blanks ]
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"Get in the truck"
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crickets ....... |
Buellin_ri
| | Posted on Friday, December 09, 2005 - 11:51 pm: |
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A hobo runs into a bar and asks for a toothpick. The bartender gives him one and the hobo leaves. A min later an other hobo comes in and and asks for a toothpick. The bartender gives him one and the hobo leaves. Another min passes and another hobo comes in. The bartender says "Let me guess, toothpick". The hobo replies "no I would like a straw." The bartender says he will give him a straw if the hobo tells him what its for. The hobo replies "Some guy threw up outside and the other two got all the good stuff."
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Captpete
| | Posted on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 12:09 am: |
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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket. She selected a quart of milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, and a one-pound package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. He said, "You must be single."
The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition, looked at her four items on the belt.
Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk swayed, looked her in the eye and answered, "Cause you're uglier'n'schit." |
Mr_grumpy
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 02:45 pm: |
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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down & orders a slap up meal with all the trimmings.
When he's finished he signals the waiter for the bill, as the waiter brings the bill to the table, the panda gets up draws a gun & put's a bullet right between the waiters eyes, then starts walking out.
The manager comes rushing in & says "You can't do that"
The panda turns, throws an encyclopedia to him & says, "I'm a Panda look it up" then walks away.
The manager completely mystified opens the encyclopedia, turns to the correct page, & reads,
Panda, species of black & white asian bear, eats shoots & leaves. |
1313
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 03:25 pm: |
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Not exactly a joke, but there is some humor to it...
A man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water from the bartender. The bartender pulls a shotgun out from under the bar and points it directly at the man. The man is happy.
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Now, why, exactly is the man happy that the bartender pulled a shotgun on him?
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Answer will be posted this evening...
1313 |
Buellin_ri
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 05:55 pm: |
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The suspense.............. |
Jerzydevil
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 07:38 pm: |
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ummmmmmmm, is it evening yet?? |
Tramp
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 07:44 pm: |
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am I going to be reading about this post in tomorrow's headlines?
("...subject left clues on motorcycle web-board.....'we should have realized what he meant!!!' site members quoted as saying...") |
Leftcoastal
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 08:31 pm: |
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So as to while away some of the time rather than go entirely effect to the suspense of it:
Cowboy walks into a bar after days out on the windy range.
Starts to order a tall cool drink from the bartender, but stops and walks back out to his horse.
He goes around back of the horse, lifts up its' tail, puckers up and plants a big ol' kiss right on the horses a$$hole.
Walks back into the bar and orders a tall draft.
The bartender, who witnessed this thru the window, asks the cowboy "Gawd-a-mighty - what did you do that for?"
Cowboy answers "chapped lips."
Bartender responds "that'll cure chapped lips?"
Cowboy - "Nope, but it keeps ya from licking 'em!" |
Mbsween
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 10:22 pm: |
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Okay,
looking for the punch line to this one
A beautiful naked woman walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a salami under the other, so the bartender says " I guess you won't be needing a drink"
I've never been sober enough to catch the rest (assuming there is anything more). Anybody know this one? |
1313
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 10:38 pm: |
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Tramp-
You's so funny!
Amazing, for the first time in my life I've had a captive audience... Actually I'm surprised nobody 'spoiled it' by guessing the right answer.
The man who ordered a glass of water but received a shotgun in the face had the hiccups. The shock of having a shotgun aimed directly at him caused his hiccups to be 'cured'.
In my best Paul Harvey impersonation - And now you know the rest of the story!
1313 |
Cochise
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 10:41 pm: |
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A man walks into a Hardware Store and buys a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a duck. He asks the proprietor (sp) how he is gonna carry all this home.
Owner says, "Put the anvil in the bucket, the duck on a leash and a chicken under each arm."
He leaves and sees a beautiful woman who is lost. She says, "do you know how to get to the corner of 5th and Maple?"
He says, "sure." so they start walking and says to her,
"Cut through this alley with me, I know a shortcut."
She says, "how do I know you won't try to force me to have sex with you in this alley?"
He says, "lady, I have two chickens, an anvil, a duck and a bucket, how could I possibly do that?
"well," she says, "you could put the bucket on top of the duck, the anvil on top of the bucket, and I could hold the two chickens." |
Ghostrider
| | Posted on Monday, December 12, 2005 - 02:05 am: |
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That'll do it!! |
Mikej
| | Posted on Monday, December 12, 2005 - 08:19 am: |
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Mbsween,
Go find a copy of "The Breakfast Club" and watch it.
You still won't have the punch line, but you will have watched a movie.  |
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