| Author | Message | ||
     Jackbequick |
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells e there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?" Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber then buffalo s*#t. Someone steal tent." | ||
| Midknyte |
A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer. The bartender asked, "What's the problem, pal?" The man said, "My brother just told me there's a sperm bank in his neighborhood that pays $40 for a donation." "Yeah, so?" asked the bartender. Don't you realize?" the man cried. "I've let a fortune slip through my fingers!" | ||
| Mountainrider |
Poems For Adults ... > > > >Mary had a little pig, >She kept it fat and plastered; >And when the price of pork went up, >She shot the little bastard. > > >Mary had a little lamb >Her father shot it dead. >Now it goes to school with her, >Between two hunks of bread. > > >Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, >Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. >All the kings' horses and all the kings' men >Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again. > > >Georgie Porgy Puddin' and Pie, >Kissed the girls and made them cry. >And when the boys came out to play, >He kissed them too, 'cause he was gay. > > >There was a little girl who had a little curl >Right in the middle of her forehead. >When she was good, she was very, very good. >But when she was bad ... >... she got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront >apartment, and a sports car. > > > > > | ||
| Smoky |
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000. The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000. The third one was a non officer grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "from the tip of my weenie to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider; explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing a medical officer took the measurement. The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. "My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?" The old Chief calmly replied, "Vietnam". | ||
| Oldog |
Some clever advertising art ......  and  | ||
| Oldog |
more Clever advertising  and  (Message edited by oldog on November 23, 2005) | ||
| Blublak |
 Suddenly.. I feel like having a beer.. while eating some oranges.. Man, that advertising stuff really works.. | ||
| U4euh |
Too bad they won't allow stuff like that here in the US, but more matter of fact stuff on nightly television! I feel like peeling an orange myself! | ||
| Midknyte |
http://bigpicture.typepad.com/writing/2004/02/manix_lube.html  | ||
| Cadzilla |
Blond Turkey Day One year at Thanksgiving my Mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, My mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish game hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She put it back in the oven. When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "you killed a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the whole family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs. | ||
| Cajunrph |
A young lady was pulled over for speeding by a Texas State Trouper. As the officer was walking up flipping open his ticket book the lady stuck her head out the window and said "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Trouper Ball" The Trouper looked at her and said "Texas State Trouper don't have balls" There was silence for a few seconds before the officer turned around closed his ticket book walked to his car and drove off. |
