| Author | Message | ||
     Tbowdre |
Im looking for some empathy or advice on dealing with the family after a crash. I high sided my bolt about 5 weeks ago and the family is killing me with requests to stop riding... oh yeah, and i have a baby on the way which is a major topic for guilting me into selling my bike. AGGHHHhhhhh!!! help, todd | ||
| Irideabuell |
I just ignored my parents after being hit by a car on my bike at 18. It worked. | ||
| Pwnzor |
My mom bugged the crap out of me for many years, until finally, one day...NO HELMET, NO HANDS. She can't say squat now.   | ||
| Hughlysses |
Todd, What happened in your crash? Did you get hurt? How badly? If you're anything like me, I'd suggest you start by trying to explain to your family how much riding means to you. Tell them you'll do all you can to be safe, but that you're not willing to give up riding. Ideas- Sign up for an MSF course (intermediate or advanced if you've already had the basic), invest in some better riding gear. Do something to show them you understand their concern, but convince them that it's just not something you can give up. FWIW | ||
| Ulywife |
the family I'm guessing parents, in-laws and wife is who you're referring to. This topic came up last year as well. My husband bought his first bike 3 years ago. Since then we've added 2 more bikes and 2 more children. As wives we worry, it's just our nature. We know that life is not without risk. My approach is that Carlos and my 11 year old daughter really enjoy riding and asking them to give that up would be selfish on my part. However, I've made it clear that if he crashes because of horseplay that I'm not going to be happy and his life might be hell for a while. That aside, Carlos did low side last year. I surprised myself because I handled it better than I thought I would. The fact that he walked into the house and told me about it made it easier to hear rather than hearing it over a phone call. We have spent a small fortune like others here on BadWeb on gear for the three of us who ride and that includes our 11 year old daughter. I don't "ride", I'm only a passenger. But I believe there are several essentials to riding motorcycles, especially when you have a family. 1) There is no substitute for good gear. 2) Do not take unnecessary risk. Ride your own ride. Don't ride past your comfort or ability level to keep up with those you're riding with. 3) Check in when you say you're going to. Don't make us worry unnecessarily. Remember, it's our nature! Sit down and talk to your wife and really listen to what her fears are about you riding. Be ready to listen and try not to be defensive (we as wives don't like that-LOL!) Best of luck with your family and the new arrival. Children are a true gift that touch your heart each day. | ||
| Tbowdre |
I appreciate the replies. my wife is the most understanding of all because she knows me so well and understands my need to meditate and be in the moment... what else gets you there like a bike? a big hurdle is the fact that this is not my first crash with fractures and to make things worse I have a fracture at the base of my skull. I was wearing good gear... everything except leather pants. The fracture was the result of a severe whiplash type injury... so its about as minor as a broken skull can be! what a hassle. anyway I suppose im just venting... sigh. oh for what its worth Im totally fine after recovering for 5 wks and i should be close to 100% in another month | ||
| Hdbobwithabuell |
If your accident would have been in a car, or as a pedestrian, would everyone demand that you stop driving or walking? I got plenty of hardware from a motorcycle accident, but I'm living to tell about it unlike some friends that died in car crashes. Live life while you're alive | ||
| Pmpski_1 |
If they won't quit think about compromising with a dirt bike. You still get to ride, although it's not as accessible as a street bike, and they don't have to worry about you being hit by some idiot on a cell phone. | ||
| Ft_bstrd |
I am obviously no expert on women, but I do know that one of the major concerns for women is security. Security that the person they hope to grow old with will stick around long enough to grow old with, that the kids will have a father, that the bills will get paid, that life will ultimately remain uninterrupted. The problem is that control of security is a complete illusion. You can reduce your risks but life can always throw you a curve. The only thing you can do is to minimize the consequences since you can do nothing to remove the cause. Let them know how much riding means to you, but be prepared to compromise. The deal may be for you to stop for a little while rather than forever. You might also look to address some of the financial concerns that an accident might bring. Strangely enough, my wife is ok with my death as long as there is sufficient life insurance. I think she has her eye on her own personal "pool boy".  | ||
| Krassh |
A dirt bike does not lower the risk. I had a street bike accident and a dirt bike accident about a year apart. The street bike was a tank slapper that turned into a high side at about 50-55 MPH. Limped away from that one. The dirt was a glancing head on. Hit another guy coming the opposite way on a fire road. Took his handle bar in my chest and foot peg in my knee. Had all gear except for armored pants on the street bike accident, had two very road rashed knees for a while. I was wearing full gear on the dirt bike. Came away with a cut on my knee (knee/shim guard creased from the impact and created a sharp edge). the cut on the knee was a little more serious than I first thought, as it actually ruptured the bursa sack under the skin. This is the fluid filled sac that keeps your knee from rubbing through your flesh. If I had a dime for everyone that asked me if I was going to stop riding I would be a rich man. My parents have been after me since I started street riding 22 years ago at the age of 18. I have purchased 3 for bikes in the last 6 months and do not plan on stopping now. Basically it comes down to how much you enjoy riding and your wifes acceptance of it. No amount of money will ever replace a father or son but there is also no substitute for the pleasure and peace we get from riding. So if your wife is still accepting and you have made sure at least your financial bases are covered, just politely inform your family you appreciate their concern but you need to live your own life. | ||
| Ferret_bueller |
i find that most peoples objection comes from lack of knowledge and thusly irrational fear (this isnt limited to motorcycles, could apply to many things). It is understandable, i mean look at where they DO get their information, TV, news etc who often to give out distorted facts. There isnt any 'newsworthyness' to show the overwhelming number of people who do ride quite safely on bikes. They show only the squids that are riding beyond their skillz who end up face-planting into tree etc.. So its no wonder people think that riding bike is way more dangerous that it really is where bikers are running rampent causing mayhem everywhere they go. Ultimately, its between you and your wife. If it had been your wife in the accident and you knew how much she love riding, would you want her to stop? Anyway, i hope it goes well and glad to hear you're recovering. Perhaps you could offer some of the family to ride with you. You might even find they had fun and a re-newed understanding on bikers. | ||
| Blake |
"Refuse to tip toe through life only to arrive safely at death's door." | ||
| Mortarmanmike120 |
Tell her you've been thinking about joining the Army and that you're setting up an appointment to talk to a recruiter. Get into an argument about it but keep it a low-grade argument. Let her win.Then go out an get on your bike. You'll be happy and she'll be relieved that "at least he's not joining the Army." Some would call this behavior "passive aggressive", I call it "distraction and subterfuge." Then again, that might be why I'm divorced...  I knew a guy one time that after his daughter was born, he quit smokin', quit ridin', and quit whorin' - it just completely changed him. My point is that people's priorities have been known to change after a birth. Will yours? I don't know, I'm just throwing something out there man. Good luck, hope your recovery goes well and you can find peace with whatever decision is made. | ||
| Kdan |
I gave up riding after an accident in the name of "love". Don't do it, you'll resent her and it won't end well. Keep riding, wear your gear and get a good insurance policy. It shouldn't be an argument. If she loves you the way you are, tell her that what you are, includes the bike. | ||
| Rich |
When they bring that kinda stuff up, I threaten them with my cane. I especially like, "And your wife still let's you ride?"  | ||
| Mesafirebolt |
I lowsided in Sept, up in the mountains by my house. She found out when She came outside and saw us unloading the bike from a pickup. She freaked! She was thankful that the bike and I were ok. She realized I was riding stupid (Too Fast and got in some gravel) I assured her I would try to be more careful. We have a friend that graduated college friday, friday afternoon his car was hit by an oncomming RV that blew a tire. Now he's dead, his wife who was also in the car is bad off and there three year old son wants to know where Dad is. Live life, be as safe as you can, have fun. When the Reaper calls, its over. | ||
| Diablobrian |
I was in about as nasty of an accident as a person can be in and still live. I carry a bunch of hardware and a paralyzed leg because of it, (not to mention some "closed head trauma" that leads to a bit of forgetfulness, headaches etc.. The bottom line I came to when explaining to my friends and family why I was going to ride and why I do ride now is this simple sentence: I wouldn't be me if I didn't do what I do. kind of twisted logic, but riding is a passion, not really a hobby for most riders. It becomes a much bigger part of who you are than what you expect the first time you strap on a helmet and take a ride on a little dirt bike. | ||
| Djkaplan |
I think it would be cool to have a dad that rode motorcycles. Moms aren't supposed to like it... it's their job. | ||
| Djkaplan |
"A dirt bike does not lower the risk." I agree, but I absolutely think the chance of death or a catastrophic accident is lower riding in the dirt. If you ride in the dirt, you will get hurt, no doubt about it, but I don't know anyone that got killed or paralyzed riding dirtbikes... and I knew hundreds of people that raced offroad, much more than the number of streetriders I can say I've met. You don't get a second chance too many times on the street. | ||
| Lost_in_ohio |
This is what worked for me. Mother in law said "I don't like you riding a motorcycle, you should sell it." My Response "You don't like me riding a motorcycle, I should sell it." Repeated several times. This is a technique for dealing with toddlers, it works well with mothers in law too. She still doesn't like me riding but ya know I just don't give a damn. | ||
| New12r |
My wife watched me loop my buell in a second gear wheelie showing off. As pissed as she was she knows riding is just a part of my life like she is! Heck she even threw some cash to get me back on the road! Dont get me started on all the other trips to the hospital she has made with me from dirtbikes!! | ||
| Bigdaddy |
I've never had to deal with this -- fortunately. Both sides of our family ride. Moms, dads, brothers, and sisters. My wife has the ability and know how to ride her own if she chooses to do so,,,,that freaking Uly kind of killed that. | ||
| Reepicheep |
Choose your adventure carefully, and make sure that you stack the deck to make it as safe and effective as possible. More safety == more adventure, not the other way around. Here are two other quotes that are important though...
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| Jlnance |
I appreciate the replies. my wife is the most understanding of all because she knows me so well and understands my need to meditate and be in the moment. You've won most of the Battle then. You're wife's approval is important. The rest of your families approval would be nice, but isn't required. My advice would be to thank them for their concern when they express it and let that be the end of the conversation. As to children, congratulations! That is great. Still you will find them to be a lot of work, and you will give up, or never have, many things in life because of your decision to be a parent. It is easy to give up too much, "for the good of the children," and to discover years later that it has filled you with resentment. Hang on to the things that you enjoy most, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for doing so. | ||
| Jlnance |
My wife has the ability and know how to ride her own if she chooses to do so,,,,that freaking Uly kind of killed that. LOL - I knew she was gonna like riding on the back of that bike. | ||
| Perry |
I am packing hardware on my wrist and collarbone from a wreck just over a year ago. There was some pressure to quit, but each time some idiot would ask "So, are you selling the bike now?" it made me more determined to keep at it. My wife has metal plates and three fused vertebrae in her neck because she was hit head-on in a car while waiting, completely stopped, at a red light. Stuff just happens. Tell them what riding means to you. Tell them there are risks, just like there are in a car. Ask if they are willing to give up driving, or if that even makes sense. Then tell them you love them, that you learned some things about taking risks and pushing too far and that you will do everything you can to be safe in the future. "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" - John Lennon | ||
| Daves |
I have crashed twice since 2002 Kandie was waiting in the pits the 2nd crash, I was doing a track day at Brainerd. I doubt the thought of asking me to stop riding ever entered her mind. She did suggest I get more life insurance, which I did, I needed it anyway. Lots of things can kill you. Maybe she has her eye on the same pool boy that Ft_bstrd's wife does?  Here we are about an hour before the crash, heading out on the track riding two up.  I have a very cool wife! | ||
| Spiderman |
>>>I have a very cool wife! I concur... | ||
| Lovematt |
I have not had much experience with crashing on a motorcycle but have done so on a bicycle (BMX)...but there is a good reason for that...I was well taught by my dad as to the dangers of the street. He was a fireman and has shown me what can happen in motorcycle accidents. He explained to me the type of person or situation that would cause these accidents to occur. I have spoken to a number of friends and parents of college students in the town I work in about their child choosing to ride on the street. Sometimes stating things the way they are helps them understand why riding a bike would be chosen. For example, explaining that the main difference between an accident between cars or between one or more bikes (i.e. two bikes or one bike/one car) is that the rider could be hit DIRECTLY. In other words, an accident in a car is a situation where the car likely takes most of the brunt of the impact and damage. An accident on a bike can go both ways where the rider can jump out of the "car" or ride on top of it during the accident to try and avoid a direct hit. Of course if there is a direct hit...the rider takes the brunt of that. That sometimes upsets the parent but then they realize that is the worst case scenario. I then tell them that I have said the same thing to their son or daughter and ensured it was understood what that meant. At that point, if they really understood what the risk is, and they do something that unnecessarily put themselves at risk...then it is not the bike that is the problem. It is the rider that chooses to take unnecessary risks (or lack of riding experience) that is the majority of the problem in most accidents. Finally I usually end off with the fact that riding a bike is a very different experience from driving a car in getting from Point A to Point B. Although most people have ridden a bicycle which is similar...it is not the same since the speeds are higher and the bike is noisier. In the end the parent ultimately sees the risks, knows their son or daughter, and then considers how "sensible" their child is in such a situation. If someone needs more riding experience or needs to back off on "excitement" when riding I will tell that to the parent. If someone is riding sensibly and not doing stupid things...I tell that to the parent too. It only makes sense to say it like it is. | ||
| Lovematt |
Daves, And you have made sure she was protected...that is half the battle. You forgot trusting...it takes a lot of that to ride two up on a track. | ||
| Cruisin |
For me it's not a problem. My dad and mom both ride. My first low side all my mom asked was if I was okay. My wife rides her own bike and has been riding it as long as I have. She knows I "play the fool" at times and just asks me to be careful. Her dad rides as well. She grew up with the mentality that there's two types of riders, those that have been down and those that will. She was on the back of her dad's bike going around a corner when they found some gravel in the road. Bike went down instantly. She slid about 80 feet and stopped in the ditch...the bike implanted itself about a foot from her head. She still got back on and she rides today - although now she won't ride on the back - it's a control issue. I'm glad she does - she carries our stuff when we go places:  In this pic she's six months pregnant - can you tell we won't have a problem with our daughter riding? Hopefully they will understand that it's part of what you do and asking you to stop riding is like asking you to stop breathing...you might be able to stop for a little while but eventually you're going to NEED to continue... | ||
| Motornoggin |
My father and I both crashed about a year and a half ago. He was in the trauma center for 5 1/2 weeks including a week in ICU. Damn near killed him. He is really getting the itch to ride again maybe this coming spring. Mom has reservations about him riding again, but knows she can't do anything about it. I wasn't hurt as bad, crushed T-5, bad bruises but no hospital stay (long story, I'm a thick headed •••••••). Nobody has asked me to quit, but I don't have any kids or a wife either. | ||
| Freezerburn |
I totally understand your pain. I crashed my KTM 520 EXC (with a dual sport kit) on my way to work one day. I decided to take a bit of a short-cut and got a little out of hand at some pretty good speed. I wasn't really hurt but the bruise went from my hip to my toes. All purple and what not. It looked brutal but it was merely cosmetic. Well, my wife basically henpecked me into selling the bike as we were readying ourselves for having a family (we were nesting). It didn't take long for her to realize how much bikes were a part of my life. It was her idea for me to get my Buell! She is also much happier too. Now she doesn't have some dick-head at home with a short fuse. It is all calm and zen-like now. The universe is a good place now as my wife has a XB12scg on order right now and my daughter has my first motorcycle waiting for her. Good luck and if motorcycles are really a part of your life, you will eventually find yourself back on your bike. Freezer | ||
| Daves |
and she looks so hot in leathers   | ||
| Greenlantern |
I wouldn't be me if I didn't do what I do. I am so stealing that quote!!  |
