| Author | Message | ||
     Johntman |
Well it all began as a sunny afternoon in south Georgia. I decided to go out and put the finishing touches on rerouting my crankcase breathers. Well i can't speak for the rest of you but if you're in the south you carry a big pocket knife, so I pull out my rather large pocket knife to cut loose the breathers and it slips. The tip of the knife goes into another hose. Oh yeah we keep the knifes really sharp too. So i quickly chase the line down. Yep just as I susupected...Fuel line! Just to make sure I turn the key on...Let the 15 foot high stream of gas begin. Yep fuel line. So I quickly run through the options. Hmm... high pressure hose so no band or clamp or anything else... look to see if there is extra play room in the hose because it is near the end...Nope none. So plan C. Call Dave. Dave gets to the phone and I try to explain it to him, and just how stupid I am. Dave happens to be in the parts department, looks it up quickly, and tells me that I'm set back about 35 dollars. Not the most expensive stupid thing I've done by any extreme, but still stupid. He then explains that he has to order the part because it is not in stock. Appears I'm the only stupid one! No problem not in stock. He orders it and it will be on the way. Dave is the best and I'm retarded! And by the way, that ruined the little afternoon ride! Ok I'm ready and prepared... Let the jokes begin. | ||
| Spatten1 |
I grew up in the South too. Pocket knives are not the only tool southerners possess. You should have used your hammer or vice grips instead. | ||
| Johntman |
yeah! The first thought was would duct tape hold. | ||
| Djkaplan |
At least you didn't let your bike fall off your homemade bike stand.... with no wheels on it. | ||
| Spatten1 |
Or crash it on your first ride...... | ||
| Diablobrian |
At least you didn't tip over as you pulled into the parking lot of Hal's at homecoming. | ||
| Daves |
I really was laughing with you John! I've done lots of dumb things too. | ||
| Diablobrian |
Don't forget that the definition of hammer is: a divining rod for finding expensive parts right next to what you intended to hit. This is in that same category  | ||
| Borrowedbike |
Ahh Tools. My company prohibits the carying of the "leatherman" style tools. Wonder Why? The following is dated, but good. You can tell just by reading it the guy who wrote it really knows what he's talking about. Wonder if it was Court? HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETELENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or « socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouc...." HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a hydraulic jack. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit. TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN « x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle. BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Sindelfingen, and rounds them off. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses « inch too short. | ||
| Johntman |
yeah I have used most of those tools... and much of what was stated happened. | ||
| Spatten1 |
That is stellar! | ||
| Spatten1 |
TROUBLE LIGHT: it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. That one almost made me cry with laughter. | ||
| Tx05xb12s |
"DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying." No, this was the funny one. My girlfriend just told me she thinks I'm freakin crazy because I'm sitting in here cackling at my monitor. | ||
| Cmm213 |
It's more than funny when you can instantly imagine the whole chain of events happen and sit and lol at the screen- good post! | ||
| Wolfridgerider |
Have you ever forgot to put the kickstand down......I love that one!! | ||
| Cycleaddict |
excellent !! really liked tthe trouble light ... but the skin burns part wer'nt listed , nor the attemped creeper "roll-over" the power cord , then the creeper stops and try to "bump" the creeper over said cord again & again to no avail , then try to move the creeper the other way and the wheels get jammed by the wrench or rag you dropped when the wheels got stuck the first time ! then you drop or throw the droplight and the light stops lighting !.........etc. | ||
| Darkducati |
Have you ever forgot to put the kickstand down......I love that one!! Right when you drop it from the swingarm stand is when you tend to notice it. Even better is when you assemble an engine and go to adjust valves and find they are all closed because the pushrods are still laying on the workbench. | ||
| Swordsman |
My papaw can't work on anything unless a small sledgehammer and a cutting torch are involved. Seriously. You think I'm kidding, but my dad and I were installing a stereo and somehow managed to short it out on the inside of the case. We started trying to take it apart to see if it could be repaired, and true to form, Papaw goes and gets his hammer. Can you imagine what would have been left of my stereo? He was seriously gonna whack it to open the case! Apparently screws and bolts are too difficult a concept... better to beat and cut things apart and have to weld them back later!  Oh yeah, I'm in N. GA, by the way. ~SM | ||
| Punkid8888 |
I like the WIRE WHEEL. mine is mounted on the end of a very over crowded work bench and it always spits the parts somewhere and you spend 10 mins looking around only to find them on the other side of the room. | ||
| Watrousmark |
And of course the ultimate, I'm shure Dave will agree. Rolling over your ponytail with the creeper trapping you under your 69 superbee. | ||
| Wolfridgerider |
I think my right hand hates my left hand. It has slammed it in many different doors, cut it with ever sharp thing in my tool box, smashed it with a ton of blunt object, burnt it with a torch and makes it hold the fireworks on the 4th of July.....one of these days its going to get even....  | ||
| Jwhite601 |
This is the funniest post ive ever read on here,  i'll try it again tomoroow when im sober. I've been working in the Auto repair business the last 6 yrs  , and practicing since i was 10 , I think ive experienced everything that was said. This is the hardest ive laughed in yrs. But I have been drinking a little  | ||
| Ulendo |
Whitworth sockets - yah, you try finding a good set of those when you need them...... my other ride happens to be a vintage rover with, you guessed it, whitworth fasteners. DOH!! dont feel like loading it in, so here's a link to a photo of the beast http://static.flickr.com/107/305439700_6114b553b5. jpg oh, and 2 tools not yet listed: oxy/AC torch, use to light greasy shop rags, and your gas soaked pants on fire while resuing to loosen off the jammed bolt you're trying to heat. hydraulic ram & duckbill used to put hideous creases, and twists into previously straight panels beside the frame member you were trying to repair (Message edited by ulendo on November 25, 2006) | ||
| Surveyor |
John we've all been there....try this; 1 Place bike on hydraulic bench 2 Support on paddock stands, -if you're gay you may want to secure the bike to the bench with straps. 3 Raise bench to work height 4 Remove the swing arm spindle N.B. this can be tight (hammer and vice grips required- who needs all those "special" tools)...not easy but it can be done Result:- SPECTACULAR ..includes meeting two previously unknown neighbours and some medical staff.....think about it... Cutting a pipe is nothing......now if you had been smoking when you turned on the ignition..... | ||
| Rocketman |
Years ago when I was mechanic for a multi franchised motorcycle dealer I was in the process of rebuilding the top end on some such Japanese bike. I forget which. It matters not, except to say it had small pistons. Maybe a 400 / 4 Honda comes to mind. Anyway, for circlip removal I'd already got one out and pushed the pin through to get the piston off the rod so the piston is now in my hand. Time to get the other clip out. The tool of choice was an electricians small screw driver, and I'd ground a sharp point onto the end of it. Ouch that was sharp. Then I looks at my thumb. The driver was right through and out the other side. That's the stupidest thing I ever did in the workshop. Worse still, my boss couldn't pull it out it was that tight through my thumb so off I go to casualty - to be laughed at. The doctor got it out after the usual xray stuff and cleaning prep by laying me on a bed and having a nurse hold my opposite arm / shoulder down whilst he placed his knee across my other arm. You know, the one with the affected thumb on the end of it. Then the Doc yanked on the driver really hard and it came out swiftly. Only a drop of blood too. In fact my face was redder! Rocket | ||
| Diablobrian |
You shouldn't have let Troy do that Sean | ||
| Djkaplan |
"I think my right hand hates my left hand." Oh, that's a keeper... I'm howling here! My poor left hand. | ||
| Johntman |
Ok guys and gals, just thought I'd let you know Dave got me the part, and I got it put on. I definately do not ever want to put another fuel line on a XB. I appreciate all the funny comments. They were great. They kept me laughing... which kept me from crying as I thought I had blew the last two weeks of warm riding season. The weather was great today and I took it out for a quick jog around the county to let it see something other than under the carport. |
