| Author | Message | |||||
     Snub13 |
can ya get me a job? Better yet, can you make me independently wealthy?  | |||||
| Bindy |
Best I can offer is take out a lotto for independently wealthy. As for a job I do not think you would have any problems getting one here! By the way are you one of those Calendar Firemen? Just asking..... | |||||
| Lowflyer |
I dunno what everyone here is complaining about. The weather has been great here in Kansas. We haven't even had a tornado for three weeks.  | |||||
| Lowflyer |
There's a saying in Kansas that goes, "the reason it's so windy in Kansas is because it sucks everywhere else."  | |||||
| Snub13 |
Bindy; I've been doing the lotto thing for awhile....no luck yet, but I've got a feeling that if I play just one more time......  As for the calander question....YOU BET!    Just kidding. Lowflyer; Your'e a "glass is half full" kind of guy aren't you? Hey, I thought Dragon Slayer was going to tell jokes on this thread...all we get are adolescent fart pics and little fuzzy animals. What a softy! | |||||
| Lowflyer |
Your'e a "glass is half full" kind of guy aren't you? This depends upon the substance contained within the glass, whether or not I was forced to consume the half that is missing, and perhaps other mitigating circumstances that led to the disappearance of half of the contents.  | |||||
| Snub13 |
Wow, a lawyer too.  | |||||
| Dragon_slayer |
Bindy, any "Sugar Mommas" down there?  | |||||
| Bindy |
Oh Dragon you are such a sweet talker, I am sure you could find all the "Sugar Mammas" you wanted. Darn the only thing about using the computer at home is I can't get the little artwork suckers up. Snub I just knew with a name like Holmes you had to be a the calender type! | |||||
| Snub13 |
Oh, Bindy if I had a penny for every time I heard that one....  | |||||
| Bindy |
I know.... you would be independently wealthy! | |||||
| Snub13 |
RIGHT! Or if I took after Uncle John....well never mind.  | |||||
| Lowflyer |
EEewww! That dude had AIDS before it was cool to have AIDS.  | |||||
| Dragon_slayer |
One of my friends recently went to a doctor who said my friend was doing "well for his age". My friend asked the doc, "Do you think I'll see 80?" The doc ask him to fill out this form: 1. Do you smoke or drink? no 2. Do you eat red meat? no 3. Do you spend a lot of time relaxing in the sun? no 4. Do you drive fast, chase women, or gamble? no The doctor studied the results and ask my friend, "Why in the hell do you want to live to 80 then?" | |||||
| Bindy |
A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first-graders using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave all of the children the same kind of lifesaver one at a time and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour. The children tasted each colour and replied that: "Red was... raspberry", "Yellow was... lemon", "Green was... lime", "Orange tasted like... orange." Finally, the professor gave them all honey Lifesavers. After swishing these around in their mouths for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste. "Well," the professor said, "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, coughed her honey Lifesaver onto the floor and yelled, "Everybody, spit them out - they're a$$holes!" YUCKY!!!!  | |||||
| Bindy |
Hi Guys well it's Monday night here in Aus and have checked the boards and not much is happening. What are you all doing???? It is really really quiet on the home front and I am missing you. My joke support line is getting dismal and none of you are saying much, so just a post to say you are alive and well would make me happy! Bindy | |||||
| Jlnance |
Oh Bindy - I could certainly spare a post to make you happy.
| |||||
| Lowflyer |
Bindy, It's Memorial Day weekend here in the US. Most folks are out recreating. Cheers | |||||
| Crusty |
FOUR FRIENDS AT A PARTY Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday." The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday." The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday . A 30,000 square foot mansion." The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ..What about your son?" The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub." The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment." The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends." | |||||
| Lowflyer |
Crusty, I can't tell if that is a joke or a personal anecdote. | |||||
| Crusty |
My kids aren't that old yet. | |||||
| Lowflyer |
Life is full of mixed blessings.  | |||||
| Bindy |
 Thanks Guys, now I feel better! Jinance, excuse my ignorance but what does the picture mean? And thanks for the smiley! | |||||
| Crusty |
O.K., One more: A HAPPY WOMAN A woman in her fifties is at home, unclothed, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old. The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year old ass?" "Your name never came up," she replied. | |||||
| Bindy |
Oh Crusty now that one really appeals to my sense of humour, will be passing that on to my girly friends  | |||||
| Crusty |
For those feeling any frustration with their current position...this may help...... This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on the FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won. Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job." | |||||
| Dragon_slayer |
Bindy, I know it's been a while since you have heard from Snub13. Being the nice guy that I am, I thought I would update you on his situation. It seems that Pittsburgh, PA is going through budget cuts. Some of his co-workers have sent me a picture of old Snub at work in his new uniform. I just thought I would share it with you! And Lowflyer, quit looking at poor old Snub's a$$!  | |||||
| Lowflyer |
I bet the pole at the firehouse really stinks.  | |||||
| Bindy |
Hi Dragon, been busy for the last three days, finally finished my full body massage course and I am now certified.  Lots of people would be unkind and say that was inevitable. Anyway, Opto says he is happy to suffer while I practice, and snub13 I am really good at bottom massages  | |||||
| Bindy |
A boy went to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, naked from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing? You're pecker is out in the wind for everyone to see!" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well...last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea. |
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