| Author | Message | ||
     Dragon_slayer |
Why women have two hands......  Why men have two hands...........  | ||
| Dennis_c |
Dragon is that you when you were 2? | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
No, you know they did not have remote controls back then. Remember? | ||
| Snub13 |
I was thinking that it was him two weeks ago but he isn't that cute and I think he is taller than that. We all may want to slow down on our web based conversations with the Slayer as the FBI is probably hot on his tail with some sort of child porn sting!  | ||
| Bindy |
No way Snub13  , it would be a frame job and I would fly to Dragon's aid. | ||
| Lowflyer |
You better go ahead and reserve that ticket. When the FBI sees that pic above, they're going to throw the book at him.  | ||
| Snub13 |
He does have an ORANGE Uly after all! | ||
| Crusty |
Yeah, but that just means he has good taste in motorcycles. | ||
| Bindy |
A young man was putting his name on his mailbox at his new apartment. An attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe, and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!" Astounded, she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere! How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?" Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming? That was me."  | ||
| Bindy |
A rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two men applied for the job. One was Transvestite and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the transvestite, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks,the two of them worked hard, so the rancher's widow said to the hired hand,"You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed. However one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty. Entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra." Again with trembling hands he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off. Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, I'll fire you on the spot."  | ||
| Snub13 |
Oh, Bindy!  | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
WooooHooo, over one hundred postings for this thread! I think this entitles me to an extra prize  in my box of Cracker Jacks! | ||
| Crusty |
Costume Party A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party by a family friend, in which all attendees were required to wear a mask. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone, and to make sure to say hello to her family. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening." "You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. "Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life." | ||
| Electraglider_1997 |
I've been sending out these great jokes to my pals. Bindy and Crusty, those are just the best. | ||
| Bindy |
Congratulations Dragon, Do not forget to add to your resume that you perform a worldwide community service, do not know what I would do without your thread at times. Thanks Electraglider_1997 will try and maintain the standard. | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. One leaned over and said, "Life is so darn boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!" "You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill. The first fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show. Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd. "What happened?" asked her waiting friend. "I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement."  | ||
| Brat |
True story, waiting for lunch the other day at the hotel, a bloke was asked whether he wanted veg or salad with his steak, he replied "neither, I didn't wait 100,000 years to get to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables" He then turned to me and said, "there's room for all gods creatures, right next to the potatoes"! | ||
| Bindy |
Hi Guys, Heard a great joke today and was wondering how I was gunna write it up....... well here goes.... A lady is in a coma and the nurse is washing her down, she gets to her private parts and the lady flinches. The nurse rushes to the Doctor and tells him what happened. The Doctor calls up the lady's husband and says get in here quick! On his arrival the Doctor tells Mr Jones that they believe that with some oral stimulation Mrs Jones will wake up. Mr Jones goes behind the curtain......... BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP The nurse and Doctor rush in " What happened she's dead" "I think she choked "Mr Jones replied! | ||
| Lowflyer |
"I think she choked" OMG, that one is FUNNY!!!  | ||
| Snub13 |
Bindy.... Too bad about Mrs. Jones, but how is Mr. Jones?  | ||
| Smcnamara |
I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision: I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs. (Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up, etc?). She started going out with the girls from work a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them". I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the driveway and I can hear a car driving off like she got out of the car round the corner. Why? The other day I picked her mobile phone just to see what time it was, she went ballistic and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her? Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to truly find out. I decided I was going to hide behind my bike which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see what car brings her home. It was while I sat crouched behind my bike that I noticed a small crack in the plastic above my rear wheel! So, should I buy new plastic from the dealer or should I buy some stuff from an auto parts store and try to repair it? | ||
| Fubar |
ROTFLMAO | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a New Yorker) confided to her co-workers she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State: 1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que. 2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo. And.. 3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy. Upon her return, the girls were curious as to how she fared. "Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite, it's ooooh so good. The taste is unbelievable!" "And I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes those guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is just incredible!" They then asked,"Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?" "Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"  | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
Dear Ducatista, Thank you for responding to the online Hypermotard survey. More than 28,000 Ducati fans like you responded to this survey and 18,000 in the first three weeks alone! This is an impressive number that really gave us an clear understanding of the enthusiasm that you all have for this new project. As you may already know, we have decided to produce the Hypermotard. The bike will be ready and in stores by the Spring of 2007. With your encouragement and your precious suggestions we have taken the steps to transform the Hypermotard from a concept into a real motorcycle. Thanks again. Thank you for your passion, for your competence, for your appraisal and also for your constructive criticism; the combination of all of your comments help us improve our projects and help us to carry out dreams that continue to achieve the high quality standards that our community of fans expects. Follow the Desmoblog for more updates on the Hypermotard Project and remember, go to www.ducati.com for the latest news and extraordinary surprises that come along with this amazing motorcycle. Desmodromic regards  | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
WHAT'S ON YOUR CAMERA PHONE?    | ||
| Bindy |
Hi Ya Guys, Excuse my ignorance Fubar, but what does ROTFLMAO mean? Well went for a 9 hour ride with Opto and the gang yesterday, boy is my backside sore! Opto just smiled (He was riding Uly,no sore end for him!)I have the low seat on Bindy so I can touch the ground, but there is no padding at all! There where some really rough roads and Bindy was bouncing around,I got air born off the seat a few times. Mind you it felt good till I landed. Very proud of myself though, one of the roads is really, really tight and I had last ridden it on my Guzzi Gracie, so was a bit worried how I would go on Bindy. Ha! She ate it up, and I felt like a champion until a car spat cow sh#t back at me. Thank goodness Opto has drummed into me to keep a good distance from cars or the spatter would have been worse! The gang I went with where great, waited patiently for me to arrive,and there was no pressure from them at all(very experienced riders). In fact they checked with Opto to make sure it was all right to leave me behind.Opto explained I was fine, just learning Bindy at my own pace and was happy riding on my own. I did not know that they where going to wait at a section for me, but alas I was on a mission and going too fast at the time to stop safely so I waved and kept going. Although I did thank them very much for letting me get to our next destination point first! Hee! Hee! Anyway was a great day and the biggest ride I have had on Bindy, and I achieved what I wanted. Which was to complete the ride safe and not disgrace myself. Opto gave me a huge cuddle and kiss and said he was very proud of me, so what more can a girl ask for..... Take Care Be Safe and Stay Upright! | ||
| Brat |
ROTFLMAO Rolling On The Floor Laughing My A%$# Off  | ||
| Bindy |
Thanks Brat, still do not know all the hi tech talk yet. See you in July with your electronic bits (Opto is a very patient man, and I should know!), hope you and yours had a great Easter. Bindy | ||
| Lowflyer |
 | ||
| Bindy |
Oh Lowflyer, I love it! Hey Dragon you out there? Missing ya mate, you have been very quiet on the home front. |
