| Author | Message | ||
     Electraglider_1997 |
I feel the gulls pain. | ||
| Snub13 |
I'm keeping my beak shut! | ||
| Crusty |
This is turning into another fly by night thread. I don't think we need any more featherbrained comments, but I'm just winging it. | ||
| Lowflyer |
Today I was the first to notice there was a dude in the handicap stall in the men's room snoring very loudly. A couple of my coworkers wanted to see for themselves if I was just pulling their legs (imagine that?). When they came back we were all giggling incredulously and somebody said, "Man, is he really sleeping in there?" Without thinking about it, I said, "Yeah, that dude is really sawing some logs in there, isn't he?" The pun hit me as soon as one of the girls in the group said, "Eeww!!" We all nearly busted a gut. | ||
| Lowflyer |
The male bird is chewing. | ||
| Lowflyer |
Anybody else ready for Spring?  | ||
| Thunderbox |
I am Mr. Poopy Pants LOL | ||
| Bindy |
Well I am feeling for my Opto, finally went riding today on Uly with another Buell rider, and it is just pouring with rain.  Was very envious last night,because I had to work.  Suppose the good thing is Opto said the tyres on Uly are great in the wet. Actually, yeah I am still envious, the weekend is only a day away! Hey Lowflyer you are holding your age well  | ||
| Opto |
Yeh, we did do some riding together, him on the back of the Uly while we chased down some unforeseen required documents and a JP to witness a stat dec so his bike could be released. Well it had to be done and now he's happy and in the bush many many miles from here. By the time we sorted the legals it was afternoon and I went home and he took the short way to his destination rather than the long and winding roads we had planned. Ah such is life...the rain was OK, it's still very warm so we just got wet. With him on the back the midrange acceleration was seriously diminished and the front wheel very light. I love the speed bumps on the Uly. | ||
| Bindy |
A man is crying at a graveside. "Why oh why did you have to die" he keeps sobbing and crying out loud. A man standing by says " May I ask who it is that you are crying for, you obviously miss them very much." The man cry's again "Why oh why did you have to die? Then looks up and says....."My wife's late husband" | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
I do not know if any words are needed here.  | ||
| Snub13 |
The wife and I went to Florida for a few days (Friday to Tuesday) and I have realized something.... It's COLD in Pennsylvania!!!!!! Yesterday I was at the beach and it was 80 degrees and not a cloud in the sky, today, 40 and partly cloudy! Is it spring yet?  | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
Three more weeks but, who is counting!  | ||
| Bindy |
Hi Guys, Not sure if this is the place for this, but you guys have always cheered me up in the past. Dragon really love your picture, means a lot to me at the moment. Opto has had some bad news, his eldest sister has cancer. He left on Uly today to travel the 1000 K down to Sydney to see his family. Although I think this will be good for him, time on the bike and space alone, I miss him already. Just pray he gets there safe and comes home to me safe. | ||
| Lowflyer |
Sorry to hear about that. Y'all are on my prayer list. | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
Bindy, count us all in with the boy and the dog. BTW, here it is law that you must have a dog by your side if praying at your bed. Must be the family and friends at the dinner table! And in church? Anyone who shows up on Sunday. | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
Bindy, you are always welcome to post here! Today's joke I am posting for you, because you are special! How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. 2. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 5.Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 6. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. 7. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 8. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 9. Rinse conditioner off hair. 10 Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. 11. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 12. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. 13. Check entire body for zits; tweeze hairs. 14. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. How To Shower Like a Man 1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in pile. 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass. 4. Get in the shower. Wash your face. 5. Wash your armpits. 6. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off 7. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. 8. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. 9. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. 10. Pee. 11. Rinse off and get out of shower. 12. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. 13. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. 14. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. 15. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. 16. Throw wet towel on bed. | ||
| Bindy |
 Thanks Dragon, I sure am going to miss those "woo-woo" sounds over the next two weeks.  | ||
| Snub13 |
Slayer, I take back some of the things I've said about you, that was FUNNY! Hey, did you talk to my wife about how I shower?  Bindy, God speed to Opto and good luck and get well soon to his sister. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. BTW, you shouldn't worry about where to post anything...Slayer hijacks threads all of the time!  } | ||
| Lowflyer |
Slayer, did you talk to my wife about how I shower?" Doesn't it scare you that he probably hasn't?  | ||
| Snub13 |
http://www.badweatherbikers.com/buell/messages/142838/179366.html?1141783http://www.badweatherbikers.com/buell/messages/142838.html?1141783781781 Not worried at all, in his own words! (the March 7th, 09:09pm posting) | ||
| Bindy |
Hi Guys, Well Opto made it to Sydney Okay thank the Lord. Got some bad fuel so was coughing and sputtering for a while, but other than that said Uly was firing along. Have not told him I have posted you Guys, will probably go off his brain, (oh well wont be the first time), thanks for being there Guys. Anyway I am heading across to the Pub,(just have to walk across the road) for a few ales, hope your weekend is going great. Bindy | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
Here you go Bindy, no worries mate! WHO WEARS THE PANTS? Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat......He says, "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, Here - try these on. She did and said "These are too big, I can't wear them." I replied, Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. Ever since that night we have never had any problems." "Hmmm," says Mike. He thinks that might be a good thing to try. On his honeymoon, Mike takes off his pants and says to Karen, "Here try these on." She does and says, "These are too large, they don't fit me." Mike says, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that." Then Karen takes off her pants and hands them to Mike and says, "Here you try on mine." He does and says,! "I can't get into your pants." Karen says, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will." | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
And then there is this. Just joking of course! A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender. MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8. Insert card. 9. Reinsert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet; place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of check book. 18. Recheck makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided. 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake. | ||
| Solarbri |
Man, Dragon, I imagine that you aren't getting into any womans' pants what with your "smart assed attitude" toward women and your obsessive amount of time spent typing away.  God, if I typed as many words as the above post, I'd have probably missed my once a month oppurtunity to "get in my wifes' pants"!! And all I'd be left with is...  | ||
| Bindy |
My Weekend, Friday car making funny noise and smelling like a really bad egg, book in for service Monday.  Saturday mowing lawn and lawn mower decides to become an oil well.(Yep blew up!) Saturday night too many ales, crying in my pretzels missing Opto and wondering how much he will yell at me for blowing up the lawn mower. Sunday coughing sneezing, hung over and came down with the flu.  Monday car won't start and front left tire flat. Big red tow truck took her away.  Thanks Dragon, keep up that smart assed attitude and typing away. | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
Brian, thanks for the concern. But not to worry, some of us type fast and make love sloooow. Also have shit eating grin to go along with attitude hence some women have no problem with me  . "Once a month"? Now I am concerned for you. BTW, women passed along a lot of these jokes to me. Men just seem to pass along nude pictures which I can not post here.  | ||
| Bindy |
An elderly man in Queensland owned a large property, on which he had built a dam and had planted avocado and mango trees. One evening he decided to go to the dam, and grab a bucket to collect fruit in. As he neared the dam he heard women giggling and laughing, as he got closer he saw it was a bunch of young girls skinny dipping in his dam. He coughed to let them know he was there, one of the young girls shouted "We are not coming out to you leave." The old man said" I am not interested in seeing young naked girls" and holding his bucket up said " I am here to feed the crocodile" Moral "Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast" | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor." So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart." That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better! Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart | ||
| Opto |
Lady waking up from surgery after being anaesthetized, says, doctor, doctor, please just give me a kiss, just a kiss, it will make me feel so much better...oh please doctor just kiss me...doctor says "Well I'm not really supposed to be f*****g you" |
